Vulnerability: The Gift and the Challenge in Coaching

Writing these blog posts and recording my podcast has brought me face-to-face with an uncomfortable truth that I expend a lot of energy avoiding: I am vulnerable.

As I step into my encore career, that vulnerability sits squarely in the room with me. It challenges my confidence and unsettles my professional identity as I transition from clinical practice to coaching, from being an employee to an entrepreneur. I notice my critical inner voice whispering that I’m not ready, keeping me safe but small.

Feeling vulnerable is uncomfortable and deeply human

Meeting the Inner Critics

When I pay attention, I can identify two distinct Inner Critics (as described by Earley and Weiss):

• The Perfectionist, who wants me to fit in and thinks it is protecting me from being negatively judged.

• The Conformist, who wants me to be liked and is trying to protect me from the shame of leaving medicine to pursue coaching.

If this were my client’s story, I know exactly what I’d say. I’d encourage them to turn the Perfectionist into a Realist — to see learning as discovery, not appraisal. And I’d invite the Conformist to become a Free Spirit, reconnecting with the values and purpose that motivated such a meaningful transition.

The Value of Feeling Vulnerable

Even reading, reflection and supervision, I still feel the discomfort of vulnerability. But I’ve learned it’s not something to avoid — it’s a source of growth.  Brené Brown defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure”, arguing that it is essential for meaningful connection, creativity, and growth.  Being vulnerable is courageous but it is not optional.  Vulnerability is part of the human condition and by avoiding it we deny ourselves opportunities to connect with others and deepen our sense of worth.

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness -Brené Brown

Managing Feeling Vulnerable

Brené Brown is incredibly inspiring and it’s easy to understand why being vulnerable is human, necessary and uncomfortable.  How to sit with and learn from it is way more challenging. I’m currently exploring ways to tolerate discomfort long enough to uncover the patterns it reveals. 

In my case, these patterns include:

• Choosing safe material for supervision. Guilty as charged!

• Over-rehearsing sessions. Trying to “get it right” rather than be real.

• Coaching “by the book”. Focusing more on box-ticking criteria than truly listening.

• Defensive processing of feedback. Hearing critique through a filter of self-protection.

Identifying these patterns is the first step to finding places where growth lives.

REFRAMING Vulnerability as a Shared Gift

My supervisor reminded me that feeling vulnerable is evidence that we care. If we didn’t, we’d just go through the motions, like automations. Let's not forget that AI can be a great productivity tool, but it does not possess the emotions that humans do. Coaches feel vulnerable because we are engaged, attuned, and invested in our clients’ transformation. Vulnerability, then, is both the gift and the challenge of our work.

Questions for Future Reflection

Growth is rarely an entirely comfortable experience.  To keep stretching into that learning edge, ask yourself these questions:

• What am I most afraid that others will see?

• What would I choose to show if I trusted it would help me grow?

• What am I not exploring?